I am pleased to present this Craigslist submission from our very own Ostrimu, Piano Dan. I very carefully did not ask him why he was looking at these sorts of ads. None of my business. Nope, not even interested. I’ll ask the Llama-nun when she gets back from Phoenix.
Nude Classical/Jazz Musicians Needed
compensation: Compensation negotiable
I’m looking to hire 1-4 nude musicians to play during an art opening in [Location} from 6-8pm on March 11th. I am the curator of a show of tasteful nude photographs that reference famous nudes from the history of art, and I’m looking to hire nude musicians to play at the opening. Rate is negotiable.
A nude cellist, a nude jazz duo, a nude string quartet, two naked jazz flautists–these are all ideas of performers who would be perfect to play at our opening. Interested parties, please contact me for more details.
Do I regret the lack of photos? No, I’m pretty sure it will be in the news.
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The “nude” cellist could probably wear a swimsuit and no one would be the wiser.
The flautists are screwed.
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And that is the wrong gravatar 😦
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You must have your own transportation with working brake lights.
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Still wrong. Word Press can suckle on the corkscrew shaped piece of a duck’s anatomy.
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No nude percussionists? More bang for your bucks, with cymbalic rimshots. Possibly accompanied by a 12-inch pianist?
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So tunes for naked players. Shakin that ass, fat bottomed girls, tit willow all come to mind. C’mon starkers, this is your challenge.
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I’m curious….has Sparky contacted the Musician’s Union?….did they turn him down? …or did they inform him he would actually have to pay more than cheese and crackers and some cheap white wine?….by the way, will the video be on youtube or pornhub?
aside to Ralph….did you get the hard-of-hearing genie, too?
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Unless Sparky lives in or near Las Vegas or Atlantic City, they’re pretty much out of luck. Those are the only two locations of International Strip Club Strippers and Musicians Union local shops.
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Shake it off.
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Okay, I’ll do it. But if everybody runs away screaming, I’m going to blame it on your nude art.
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It’s not a tuba!
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It’s a gallery opening, you say?
*pushes glasses halfway down nose and adopts bored, superior attitude*
The full frontal nudity is a comment on the way social media has exposed all of our most private secrets and made us voyeurs into one another’s lives. The naked bums represent man’s inhumanity to man.
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It’s a gallery opening, you say? Where are the free wine and the singles’ group?
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I’m not sure any musicians, nude or otherwise, should be playing at anybody’s opening. I certainly wouldn’t want them at mine.
Ooh, you’ve got the corner all lovely and cosy, just how I remember it!
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I am having a visual of this. It involves stirrups.
In possibly related news: Windy, have you set up the brainbleach station in the new Snark Lounge yet?
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Yes, it’s just there, the Lola Memorial Brainbleach and Flask Refill Station.
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Thank you. Hmmmm… Now which spigot is which……
@#!@@##!$%&!+ *BLARGH* COUGH-HACK
OK, so this one is not the flask refill…
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Guess it needs more signs, huh?
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And why is Lola in memorium?
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So we can remember her. Not like she’s going to show up here, any longer. Sigh.
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