Post 34: Sparky Country Safari

:cue David Attenborough: Suburbia. The breeding ground for Sparkies and their companion animals. On this program we will examine the more unusual species that co-habitat in these dens and lairs. Viewer discretion is advised as there could be bloodshed and violence. Also the smell is rather unpleasant.

We’ll start with the airborne species, beautiful creatures with impressive wing spans.

**Beautiful Steel Eagle**

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Beautiful Steel Eagle. 48ft wing span 18ft wide from beak to tail weighs 8100lbs. Call for price (###)eight##three###

Sparky’s main concern with his “friends” is how to make money from selling them. Here we see the psychological effects of this treatment.

Free large teddy bear

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Free large teddy bear approx 45 inches tall and 27 inches wide. In great condition from a non-smoking home. Please pick up ASAP.

The only thing that will cheer that bear up is a little honey. And a little freedom.

The suburban Sparky likes animals that have hooves and antlers or horns. He likes them a lot, barbecued, in a stew, or dried into jerky.

Moose – $1

Alaskan Moose for sale. It’s in great shape with about a 55 inch spread. All trades considered, make me an offer. Perfect for Lodge, Cabin, Game Room, Restaurant, Casino.

Sadly, this Sparky hasn’t included a photo, but it is likely this cut-rate moose is only a mounted head. Similar to this one.

Inflatable Moose Head (w/ foot pump) – $10

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Inflatable moose head. Enough said.

To add a little more, you can have my foot pump because blowing it up manually is crazy! I’m getting rid of just about everything due to a huge transition. The moose has been with me for a while, but it’s time to make a change!

Oh, deer! I don’t think that’s really a moose.

Finally, since the dawn of time, Sparky has loved horses. This companion has been included in cave drawings, statues, paintings, and rusty metal sculptures. Here’s another tribute to a favorite animal.

handcrafted bejewelery – $125

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Bejeweled rocking horse handcrafted

This concludes our journey into Suburbia. I’m not David Attenborough, but I do support the reintroduction of wolves into the Scottish Highlands.

22 thoughts on “Post 34: Sparky Country Safari

  1. I’m not David Attenborough either, Windy, but I support the reintroduction of wolves into urban craft stores to help control the numbers of humans who buy supplies to bejewel innocent toys like rocking horses….that’s just wrong…..and as far as a sculpture of the bird which symbolizes the greatness of America, replete with a “for sale” sign?…..well, what can I say?

    Liked by 4 people

  2. So this is wild. Now there is a “One” tag and an “OMV” tag.
    Maybe the OMV tag stands for Over Medicated Vervet.
    Maybe the One tag just means a little more than a zero.
    Maybe I’m just twice as awesome?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. “Hey, Cleetus! That thar eagle’s fur sale! Ah goddam love Uhmurka! Ahm a-gonna git ‘er.”

    “Dang, Jimmy Bruce, that might could be a tad bit weighty.”

    “Ah, screw yew, ya pinko commie treehuggin Obama-lover. Yew prolly don’t love the Baby Jesus, neither. Ahm goin’ In.”

    *several minutes later*

    “See here, Cleetus, Ah done bought me a goddamn piece’a Muricana ri’ cheere. Ahm a jes’gonna load this pretty lol’sumbitch up in the truck, and afore ya know it, she’ll be sitting’pretty atop caaasa Jimmy Bruce.”

    “Aah ain’t too sure ’bout that, Bud. That sumbitch gotta go, what? Three, four hunnert pounds, easy. Yer trailer gonna support that?”

    “Fuck you, Cleetus, ya russky liberal hippie. Jes’ fer that, I ain’t a-gonna let yew look at ‘er once she’s up.”

    “My shack’s next door. How ya aimin’ ta stop me?”

    “Ah’ll cover ‘er up with a tarp. Hah! How ya like them apples? Now shut up while Ah load ‘er up. Here, hold mah beer.”

    *shortly thereafter*

    “Sunuva… Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!” *CRASH BANG BLOODCURDLING SCREAM*

    “Whoa, he’s flatter’n roadkill! Ah wonder… Nah, that wou’nt be right. Prolly wou’nt be too good eat in, anyhow.”

    Liked by 2 people

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