It was a dark and stormy night. Sparky lost power and needed candles to see the television by. Luckily, someone had given him or her a very special present last Christmas. Something no one else has.

Piece of crap candle

Absolutely free! Piece of crap candle. I believe it was intended to smell like cinnamon but actually just smells like nothing. The other awesome feature it has is a wick that won’t stay lit for more than five minutes at a time.

There are worse things it could have smelled like, which I was afraid of from the title of the ad. The wick going out after five minutes is a safety feature. Can’t believe Sparky is just giving this away! Thanks, Ralph, for finding such wonderful lit-erature.