Post 612: Body Not Included

Man in Trench Coat: Hey, Sparky. C’mere. You need to see this.

Sparky (stopping on his way to visit his elderly mother): What is is and how much does it cost?

MITC: Heh. You’re learning. Come over here, take a look at this. It’s completely free.

Sparky (looking inside an unmarked van): Oh my god! What is that?

Full-Size Foam Mattres
condition: fair
Hello CL,

I’m moving and have to liquidate many of my belongings. This post is about a mattress. It’s a perfectly passable mattress, it’s just cheap. I photographed it without the mattress cover on for full disclosure. The mesh (?) material around the mattress is a little worn, but it’s clean.

There’s one stain on it. It’s a bloodstain. It’s been hit with peroxide, but it’s unsightly. I can’t give it to Salvation Army or anything because they don’t take mattresses with stains. However, it seems pretty wasteful to throw it out. Figured I’d see if anyone wants it.

Has to go by November 25th. I can’t transport it, so you’ll have to pick it up. Please contact if you have any questions!

Sparky: One stain? I count half a dozen and that’s just on one side. Blood stains are no joke, Mr. Trench Coat. This is dangerous stuff.

MITC: I’ll throw in some rott iron and a couple Lovesacs. Still completely free.

Sparky, sighing: Fine. Deliver it to my house but don’t let my wife see you.

MITC (hearing sirens in the distance): Sure thing, kid. Gotta go!

My thanks to Ralph for playing the role of the Man in the Trench Coat.


4 thoughts on “Post 612: Body Not Included

  1. ‘Tis only a flesh stain.
    Blood sire.
    Well, only the one.
    Five sire.
    Well, three, then.
    No, a dozen, sire.
    Well, only one is blood.
    We hope so, sire.
    You’re one of Robin’s Minstrels, aren’t you?

    Liked by 1 person

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