If this tree isn’t removed by next weekend I will cut it down. It stands between 15 and 18 feet. I don’t know its veriety. The panel wall in the photos is being removed. I don’t need help cutting it down but will entertain very REASONABLE OFFERS. I’ve listed this tree before and this is a last chance offer. Call or text ###-XX##. No habla espanol.
The last of the old palm trees planted when Father Junipero Something wandered through the Southwest and planted palm nuts. Now Sparky wants it gone. And while he would willingly cut it down, he won’t dig it out. If you want the tree to live, you must show up before next weekend and not speak Spanish. Sparky, Tree Botherer.
Welcome To Fabulous Sparkyville 
Looks like a King Palm.
And a good specimen, too.
They have ridiculously small root balls, and are easy to dig up–but exceedingly dangerous when you do so, as they weigh enough to need a crane (and can smoosh things very quickly & thoroughly).
So, when no Americun speickers answer Spark’s ad, I see a 911 call when spark fells this monster, as it’s going in the house, or out in the street, or on all the cars . . .
HEADACHE!
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Mi ankaů ne parolas la hispanan.
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Pray prithee inquistive varlot, how vouchsafe thee to which circumlocation thou claims competence?
Google Translate does not include gibberish, blather, nor tommyrot as options for your clicking noises and ritualized gruntings.
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O palm crown-ed King
Twill struck ere not ransom-ed
Laid low smashing things.
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O ignoble tree
Fie upon thee
Acurst hard upon my driveway
Thorn of soft fronds to irk my life
I hath ransomed you in vain
Your rescuers pleas in tongues in vain
For I, a dunce, to explain, ignorance
So, to headman’s axe you go
And no trickiness any more
Will I suffer,
I will shut my eyes to all risk or danger
And rely upon fairies and elven slyph
My kingdom reclaim.
[With chainsaw, Exeunt]
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