Cassowary

Cassowary chicks. Hatched 12 March.
$2,000 each.

Ladies and Gentlemen, and Sparkies of all ages! Here is your opportunity to own the most dangerous bird in the world! At eight to eighteen months of age, they begin to be independent. At 2 years, for males, they are adult enough to start defending their territory with strong legs for kicking and sharp claws for disemboweling. Do not, under any circumstances, buy one of these adorable chicks for yourself.

However, your neighbor who never returns borrowed tools or your cousin who always one-ups you during the holidays? Yeah, they really deserve a pet cassowary.