Medal
Free scrap medal
Honestly, what are you going to do with all those participation medals? Most are plastic so you can’t get money for recycling them. Scrap them all and hope no one finds out they were for showing up for kindergarten graduation. Each time.
Thanks, Ralph, subtle yet stinging.
Welcome To Fabulous Sparkyville 
There are medals that the military considers, er, scrap, but such things are subtle distinctions for those wearing such earned decorations. And, it turns to heated debate as often as not. And at a level of alpaca versus llama, or even blood orange or mandarin. With a dose of inter-Service rivalry thrown in, too.
“Free” becomes an item of debate that is larger, though.
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Heavens, Spark, why have you imprisoned Mr. Throat-Warbler-Mangrove again?
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Your mettle, medal
Perhaps metallic,bound up
Wanting to be free.
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Captain Llewellyn, a moment.
Aye, Sire.
This decoration, for Private Luxury-Yacht…
Sire, it’s pronounced “Throat-Warbler-Mangrove.”
Er, well, is he not in the mines, and not a private solider?
Indeed, Sire, a Sapper he is, and quite the confidant of Captain MacMorris, too.
Well, a leeky bunch, then.
Aye, Sire quite the chorous on St Davie’s Day.
Be that as it may, why are we to award hin a “scrap” medal? Hast he been at the latrines?
Er, no, Sire, that’s “Scrape” Sire.
“Scrape”? As in ‘fracus,” “dust up,” or similar dispute?
Well, er, sire, it is as mete as we could make it. Sapper Luxury-Yacht was at the mines, and dug them in such a way that, well, the enemies” privies, well, they collapsed. While occupied, Sire.
“!?”
Quite, whilst no great a battle, but was sure a victory won , Sire!
Ah, well then, that explains the three shells, then. Let’s make haste to the ceremony, Away!
[exeunt]
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