Post 943: Stoned

Want to start a new religion? You need a henge.

condition: excellent make / manufacturer: Tectonic Stress model name / number: Big. Big Ass Rocks size / dimensions: Heavy

Are you looking to start a new religion? Possibly a cult? Then you need a Henge. A STONE Henge. Thats right, just like that other one over in the UK, only better. While anyone can start a new religion or cult, not everyone has the insight to construct a huge, pseudo-religious druidic structure for all your followers to gather at. Whether you are looking to host simple chanting/bonfire/light snack types of gatherings, or full on human sacrifice ceremonies that celebrate whatever new “Blood God” you choose to invent, then this is your opportunity to bring legitimacy to your new belief system. All at a price you can afford.

This rustic yet charming henge comes disassembled. As part of the initiation ritual that you put your soft minded sheeple through to join your cult, your initiates must construct your henge using the same building techniques that were used in the 14th century. Your followers will grow to respect and fear you as you force them to “cleanse their spirits” by performing hard labor for no pay, building your mighty Henge and proving their fealty to you.

Don’t let this opportunity get away and have your cult fail like your last one did. You’re still trying to get rid of those “End of the World Pizza & Strychnine Party 2000” t-shirts you printed up in 1999. This one is going to last.

Please get these rocks out of my yard.

Obviously, Sparky has never seen a henge. His puny rocks are no where near the right shape or size. And the stones were put up around 3000 BC so not 14th century. The more I read this ad, the more I think Sparky was looking to get into the Best of CL. Good find, Ralph! Rock on!


2 thoughts on “Post 943: Stoned

  1. Given that the structure is a henge, which is then modified by the material type, this rubble pile would be more apt for a rockhenge.

    Appealing to people desiring to create a religious structure then denigrating religion is some what contra-indicated.

    Of course, attempting to sell rock rubble (without listing a price) without providing any ideal of scale is par for the sparkii course.

    Mind granite weighs in at 168 pounds per cubic foot,, so shifting one foot diameter rocks is not the chore that three foot ones can be.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A henge is a very specific astronomical construction, which requires significantly accurate sight lines to the events one intends to note.

    Mind such things can be researched and laid out to suit one’s latitude and longitude, but typically wants markers of a height to aid in such operations, and do not require laying down in the dirt to observe.

    Which is why several known henges were made of wood, rather than rocks from some lazy git’s backyard..

    Liked by 1 person

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